How to Build Your Social Circle Abroad (and Find Your People)

One of the biggest questions people have when they think about moving abroad is, “But what about friends? Will I be lonely?”

I wanted to talk about this topic because recently this has come up in a few conversations I’ve had over the last two weeks. Although, this wasn’t entirely my case per se because I moved to Dominican Republic with my family, the complete aspect of loneliness never set in with me. However, I didn’t have a community that I could call my own, so at times I felt lonely because this wasn’t my country, wasn’t my language, and wasn’t my culture. That lingers in your mind from time to time in the beginning and for some, longer than it should.

It’s true, starting over in a new country can feel isolating at first. Back home, our friends often came from school, work, or family ties. Abroad, you’re starting fresh and for many of us none of the aforementioned exist. But here’s the beautiful part: you get to be intentional about the kind of community you create. And when you do, those friendships often become stronger than you could imagine. This is what I enjoyed most about the process of building a community. I was starting from scratch. I could pick the people I wanted to surround myself with. Because throughout our lives, at least for me, we make friends through default, mainly because we are in a place, work or school, more than 7 hours a day, so we typically bond with who is around us. And we try to make the best choices with what we are given because we can’t control the environment around us in those settings. But when we move abroad, we start with a clean slate.

My first year here, it was mainly me, my daughter, my wife, and her family. I didn’t have a community and there were times that I felt a little lonely. The main reason for this is, I didn’t know how to approach getting to know people, for example where to go, how to engage, etc. It wasn’t until around our second going on third year here is when my community building went into effect. And my friends became my extended family.

Today I want to share a few practical ways to build your social circle overseas so you don’t just survive, you thrive.

1. Lead with Openness

I mentioned in a previous newsletter, that you should say yes more often here in the beginning. Start conversations in cafés, gyms, colmados, or supermarkets. Be curious about people’s stories. Openness is your greatest tool for connection.

2. Find Shared Interests

Join groups that align with what you already love. It’s you’re a gym person start there. If you’re a runner, go to parks. I’ve seen many groups here in Santo Domingo from rollerblading, bike riding, motorcycles, muscle cars, business meetup, shared passions make friendships grow faster.

3. Balance Expats and Locals

Other expats will understand your challenges, but locals will give you the true flavor of your new home. I consider this to be very important. If your time here in Dominican Republic is heavily occupied with other expats, your missing the essence of why you are truly here. From my experience expats whose social circle is mainly other expats are often the ones who feel the most lonely and the ones who give up the quickest on this new life.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a piece of your culture here and there, but to surround yourself with it on a day to day basis sort of defeats the culture experience purpose of moving abroad. Dominicans are some of the most welcoming and social group of people I’ve ever met. So include them in your social mix.

4. Look for Mentors

Seek out people who have been living abroad longer. Their advice and experience will save you time and headaches. Always be respectful of these people’s time. After all you’re seeking them out for advice, not the other way around. Later, you can return the favor for someone else.

5. Use Tech to Your Advantage

Check out Facebook groups, WhatsApp chats, or coworking spaces. Technology is often the bridge that gets you to in-person connections.

6. Focus on Quality

It’s not about how many people you meet, it’s about the depth of the relationships you build. Even a small, supportive circle can transform your expat life. Being a Content Creator, I’ve had the opportunity to meet hundreds of people, but when I decided to build on a relationships of some of the people I’ve met, I was very selective in my process. I was focused on quality.

I’ll give you an example, guys who were married and had Dominican wives was my preference to build friendships with. Why? Because at the very least we had one thing in common. I wasn’t interested at that particular time to build connections with single men because of the different lifestyles. This is not to say married men are better quality than single men but that characteristic for me said something about the quality of the person initially. And still now, many of my close connection of friends are married (Shout out to Patrick & Indira).

Of course, this is no longer the sole criteria use to build connections because I do have friends in my circle who are single. Another characteristic I use is those interested in business. I tend to gravitate to those types of individuals as well. These are all the qualities I embody so to surround myself with those types of people is a win in my book. This is just an example how you have control over your social circle by focusing on the quality of people that align with your values. And yes, still vetting needs to be done afterwards, because these are just surface qualities.

Final Thought

I was speaking to someone the other day about this particular topic and they asked me, if I had moved here by myself without my wife and daughter, do I think meeting people would have been easy for me. And I answered it in two parts. 1) Initially no, as I said beginning I didn’t know how, but 2) having lived here over 4 years, I understand the culture better. I know where to go and how to engage with Dominicans so yes, now its easy for me. I have no problems meeting people in this country.

Living abroad isn’t just about the destination, it’s about the people you share it with. I can honestly say having that community of people you trust and can build with has made a tremendous difference in my life here. Building your community will take effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. The right friends and mentors will uplift you, support you, and make anywhere in the world feel like home.

What about you? If you’re living abroad, how did you meet your closest friends? Hit reply, I’d love to hear your story.

Until then,
🌴 Live Your Best Life
Jay